Fragile
by familiarcreature
Summary: First 'Leddi! My interpretation of events when Luc returns to Holby after 3 weeks of being AWOL and meets a team of confused AAU staff and a very upset, angry and fragile Eddi, and the consequences his leaving has meant for their already delicate relationship.
1. Fragile

**The first chapter of my first 'Leddi' fanfic. Given recent events in the show and Luc's (hopefuly brief) departure, I thought I would write a few ideas down that have been whirling around my head these past few weeks. It also helps to fill the 'Leddi-less' gap I have been feeling until Luc finally returns. I've never written any fan fiction before however, so apologies if it's not that good!**

**This is my interpretation of events when Luc returns to Holby after 3 weeks of being AWOL, to meet a team of confused AAU staff and a very upset, angry and fragile Eddi and the consequences his leaving has meant for their already delicate relationship.**

**Hope I did one of my favourite pairings justice!**

**Chapter 1 – Fragile  
**

The end of another night shift loomed. Eddi was sat behind the nurses station; head in her hands, messing up her usually neatly styled pixie cut. She was still feeling the devastating effects of the hangover she had been nursing from the previous nights binge. Since Luc left all she wanted to do was forget. Forget everything. Forget him. - His image, his smell, his touch and caress and the intimacy she shared with him that made her feel moments of pure ecstasy. Alcohol helped her to do that. If only for a few inebriated hours anyway.

The clock slowly ticked down the minutes until it finally turned 6am. Eddi breathed a sigh of both relief and exhaustion. Not just because it had been a long and busy shift; typical for a Saturday night, but in the past 3 weeks her body had been subject to countless hangovers and relentless emotional anguish and heartache. She was exhausted both physically and mentally.

As she pushed herself up from the chair using the desk as an added aid to relieve some of her pressure on her aching muscles, a characteristically chirpy Sacha walked in.

"Long night?" he questioned with a smile

"You could say that." Eddi replied wearily.

Sacha's smile quickly dissipated and a furrow formed on his brow. Since Luc's departure he had become very worried about his friend. He was so used to seeing Eddi strong, calm and collected and now she was nothing of her former self. He knew what Luc had done to her. He had left her completely dismantled. Not to mention she was once again losing her battle with alcohol which was bound to be having damaging repercussions internally.

He wanted so badly to help but knew that she wouldn't accept it. Convincing herself that she didn't need anyone's help, or wanted anyone to get involved for that matter. Despite her current state she still managed to keep her emotions bottled up in public. She had barricaded them in with a mixture of work and various other distractions in order for no one to see her inner turmoil.

Despite this though, Sacha could see it, and Eddi knew that.

Sacha placed a hand on Eddi's shoulder.

"You best be heading off home then. That big old bed of yours is waiting." he said comfortingly.

Eddi smiled. Appreciating the fact that Sacha knew where the boundaries were but still remained a constant friendly and comforting presence for her. She knew that if she ever needed someone, he would be there for her. No matter what.

"Thanks Sacha. See you later." she replied with a brief smile before turning and heading out the AAU doors.

After a quick stop at her locker to change into her characteristic turned up skinny jeans, black leather jacket and cotton t-shirt that fitted loosely over her elfish frame she stepped outside into the fresh and crisp morning air. She took a deep breath in - disinfectant now immediately replaced by the damp smell of remaining water on the concrete from a previous rain shower that night. She was not however walking out the entrance of Holby, but up the steps up to the roof.

It had become routine. At the start and end of every shift she could be found there. It was her place. _Their place.  
_

She sat down, propping herself up against the metal railings that were cold and wet to the touch. The sunrise was beautiful. Every one of her senses was overwhelmed by the glorious scene that surrounded her: the pastel orange and pink sky dotted with cotton white clouds, the morning bird song that from up on the roof overpowered the noise of the traffic down below and the fresh smell of pollen and dampness that lingered in the air.

She shut her eyes.

For a moment, nothing mattered. Calmness and tranquillity surrounded her.

An empty coke can caught the breeze and rolled across the concrete with a hollow, metal clatter.

Eddi's eyes snapped open and she was suddenly brought back to the devastating reality of the past 3 weeks. Her life was falling apart around her and she didn't know how to stop it. How could she of let this happen?

She fumbled around her her bag for some paracetamol to help take the edge of her hangover. The packet was empty.

"An unwelcome detour on the way home then." She mumbled to herself, exhaling at the same time.

She pulled herself up using the railings and made her way down off the roof and through the hospital. She purposely avoided AAU to reduce the chances of running into anyone she would have to make conversation with. She wasn't in any mood to be social at all.

Walking out of Holby's entrance Eddi noticed how real the surrounding scenery seemed now she was at ground level. The sky looked increasingly gloomy as it became tinged with grey; signalling the approach of more rain. The morning's birdsong was now overpowered with the roar of traffic and industrialisation along with the inane chatter of hospital staff making their way into work for their shift. She couldn't wait to fall into her welcoming and comfortable bed and shut her eyes, feeling the relief of forgetting once more.

She made her way along the front of the building and across the car park. Her eyes fixed on the ground in front of her, watching her step. An ear splitting sound of an approaching ambulance broke her concentration causing her to look up for a brief second.

Eddi stopped dead.

Her eyes widened and her mouth became dry and scratchy like sandpaper. Her heart stopped and then suddenly felt like it was about about to burst through her chest, causing an immense amount of pressure on her ribs. Her legs suddenly felt like jelly and she became even paler than before. It was as if she had seen a ghost.

It was worse.

She had looked up to find Luc's caravan in front of her.


	2. Numb

**Heya guys! Apologies for the longer than intended wait for the second instalment. I had half of it written shortly after publishing the first chapter, but due to various reasons I had to put off finishing it briefly. Because of this I'm not sure about this chapter, or if you guys will like it as much as the first. I guess this is where my lack of fan fiction writing experience may show! **

**But here you go! The second chapter of my first 'Leddi' fanfic. **

**I hope you enjoy and like where I've gone with it. **

**Again I'd really appreciate your thoughts and reviews.**

**Thanks! X**

**Chapter 2 – Numb**

Eddi woke up to find herself sprawled across the sofa still fully dressed. Disorientated she reached into her pocket for her phone to check the time. 10:32am. She was due in for an afternoon shift at 1pm.

She sat up and the hangover hit her like a car crash, throbbing through her entire body. Coming round from her confused daze and her eyes focusing, she noticed a bottle of red wine that had been knocked across the carpet and a small spatter of old blood down and her white cotton t-shirt. Instinctively she got up and staggered towards the bathroom to look in the mirror, only to find that a mess too. She had been violently sick during the night... all across the bathroom floor. How she hadn't got any down herself was a mystery in itself.

"Jesus christ." She stepped back, partially stunned by the revolting sight in front of her. This was obviously one of the more severe hangovers she'd had.

Going on tip toes, she peered in the mirror on the other side of the bathroom, only to see a minor cut across her cheek. _Well at least it didn't need stitches._

Stepping out and shutting the door behind her, Eddi closed her eyes and leant against the door, trying to devise a plan of action on how to tackle the situation. Her mind was a blur of the odd drunken memory from last night and what felt like a pneumatic drill hammering away in her head. After 5 minutes however, she had managed to string some sort of check list together.

"Right." Eddi sighed.

"Paracetamol, clean bathroom, shower and get changed, attempt to clean carpet, coffee, more paracetamol and... work."

_Work._

How could she have forgotten? Luc was back. Or was is just a drunken dream? No... it couldn't be. His return and the sudden appearance of the caravan in Holby's car park was the reason for yesterday's drunken bender; which started in the early hours of the afternoon and went on well into the night.

Her head began to fill with questions. Would he still be there today? If so would they be working the same shift? What would she say to him? What would he say to her? Would he-

Eddi shook her head. The many questions swirling round turning into a big jumbled mass of words and letters. She didn't have time or energy to think about that right now.

One by one she tackled her check list in her head until she was dressed, ready for work and the flat was cleaned up. Needless to say even after a shower, a clean set of clothes, a large cup of coffee and 2 lots of strong paracetamol she didn't feel any better. Checking the time again she found it was 12:03pm. She didn't live to far from Holby, but setting off now would mean she didn't have to rush. Grabbing her leather jacket and rucksack she headed out the door, locking it behind her.

She couldn't avoid it now. The questions began to reassemble and engulf her mind and thoughts. There were no answers however. With Luc anything was possible. _He had proved that many times._

Walking along, she was quite surprised how emotionless she felt. There was no rage or upset, anxiety or stress. She just felt... numb. The most likely reason why was probably down to her hangover. Despite how dreadful it made her feel, she was quite thankful to have one right now. She didn't want to feel any emotion. Her mind and body was already overwhelmed with exhaustion and nausea.

Soon enough she reached the hospital. The caravan was still there.

The sight of it caused the feeling of sickness from her hangover to intensify as if it was wrenching and tearing at her insides, making her feel as if her intestines were forming a tightening knot.

She looked away allowing her eyes to focus on the damp, cracked concrete in front of her as she walked along. Leaving early had meant she had time to sit in the canteen with a coffee, allowing her insides to settle and the hangover that previously felt like a pot of water boiling over to be reduced to a simmer. The paracetamol were also clearly starting to kick in.

It was the first time in 3 weeks that she hadn't gone up to the roof. _Their roof._

After her brief canteen stop she made her way to her locker and got changed into her nurses uniform. Looking in the mirror she saw how horrendously rough and unwell she looked. People, especially Sacha and 'nosey cow' Chrissie were bound to ask questions and make judgements. She hadn't even attempted to pin her hair back this morning, but that was the least of her worries.

A look of concern appeared across her face as her reflection stared back at her vacantly. The numbness was beginning to subside as the paracetamol took affect and the emotions the hangover was masking slowly began to niggle away inside.

She was anxious.

Not just because she could be about face Luc after three long weeks of abandonment and heartbreak, but also because she didn't know how she would react to him; bearing in mind that she will be surrounded by a ward full of staff and patients. The last 3 weeks had been filled with a blur of so many different emotions and feelings: anger, anxiety, upset, rage, depression, loneliness, fatigue and exhaustion to name a few. All of which she had either kept bottled up, or channelled into a bottle of alcohol in order to forget about them and to feel numb again.

The potential for any one of these emotions to break down the barriers she had fought so hard to keep up and erupt from her right across the ward made her anxiety intensify. She hated not being in control. After everything he had done to her already, the last thing she wanted was for him to be the reason she lost all sense of professionalism. She couldn't let him do that to her. It was the last thing she had left that hadn't been poisoned by the toxic vemon their relationship had produced.

Stepping out into the corridor she began making her way towards the AAU doors. Her anxiety and stress levels rising with each step. The corridor seemed to stretch out further than it ever had done before.

She stopped at the doors to her ward. She couldn't turn back now.

She could walk onto the ward and find that Luc wasn't even on shift today, however she knew deep down that that probably wasn't the case. He was hardly going to slack off if he had just returned to work after being AWOL for 3 weeks.

She took a deep breath in... and out.

Three long painful weeks of heartache had lead up to this moment. This was it.

She was a set of AAU doors away from facing Luc Hemingway.


End file.
